"Why I Want an AP Student to Take My Tests", a parody of "Why I Want a Wife" by Judy Brady
I belong to that classification of people known as AP students. I am an APER.
Not too long ago an average classmate of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a failed test. He is looking for a solution to his problem, an AP student to take his tests for him. As I thought about him while I was doing my homework one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have an AP student take my tests for me. Why do I want an AP student to take my tests?
Not too long ago an average classmate of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a failed test. He is looking for a solution to his problem, an AP student to take his tests for him. As I thought about him while I was doing my homework one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have an AP student take my tests for me. Why do I want an AP student to take my tests?
I want an AP student who will study their very hardest, for hours and hours. I want an AP student who will put in the greatest effort possible to earn the highest grade for me. My AP student should have at least a GPA of a 4.0, preferably higher. I want an AP student who will give up sleeping, eating, socializing and all their activities to study for my tests. My AP student should be able to give up their life for me and my tests. I want an AP student that will go to the library constantly to consult the best resources when learning the material for my tests. I want an AP student who is willing to take any test I ask them to, whether it’s a simple algebra quiz, or an extremely challenging chemistry test. Nothing should throw my AP student.
While being hardworking, my AP student should also be able to deal with their stress. I want an AP student that can study hard but also take breaks when they know they need them. Being stressed is not an excuse for my AP student not to take my tests. I want an AP student with a positive mindset about taking my tests, and a good well-being. My AP student should also have great health, I can't afford to have my AP student getting sick and missing my tests. Then they would have to worry about when to make up the test and spend more time studying for it, when they have other tests of mine to study for.
My AP student should be loyal to me and me only. If I find out my AP student is taking tests for others, they will be replaced immediately. I will not accept any grade lower than an 95%. If my AP student does not meet these standards, I will simply have to replace them with another, more intelligent AP student.
When I am through with the school year and tests and have stellar grades, I want my AP student to continue to do my homework over the summer to ensure that I will start off the next school year on the right foot so I can get into a prestigious college.
My God, who wouldn't want an AP student to take their tests?
I loved this post because it is very relatable! I think most AP students, and even just high schoolers in general, can understand this post. How do you think that the competition for getting into a good college affects the mindsets/actions of teens?
ReplyDeleteThis is really good! Especially since we're all in junior year, we all wish we had a solution to all the stress during the year. You did a great job of staying true to the original piece. Do you think the demand for students to take AP classes is creating too much stress?
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post because it can apply to a lot of peoples feelings towards test taking. I think you did a great job at taking everyday problems, such as stress, that almost every student has gone through at some point in school and highlighting them in this piece. How do you think the problem of stress on AP students can be resolved?
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