School Moms: A Parody of Dance Moms by Paige and Emma

Harvard University, with a 5.9% acceptance rate, is one of the most competitive ivy league colleges in the country. Five high school seniors- Chloe, Kendall, Nia, Maddie, Brooke, and Mackenzie- are all vying for a spot at this prestigious university- but only one will be accepted. All five of these girls have near perfect grade point averages and test scores, but it’s their moms that set them apart. Some moms are less concerned with their roles in their child’s education, but others will do anything and everything to get their child to the top. The Harvard Office of Admissions puts the applicants in a pyramid to rank them and decide who will be accepted- only the person on the top of the pyramid will get the spot. 

The bottom three on the pyramid are Mackenzie, Nia, and Kendall. These three all have around a 4.0 grade point average, involved in after school activities, such as basketball, soccer, and lacrosse. They sometimes volunteer in their communities, however, not as much as the girls above them on the pyramid. Mackenzie, Nia and Kendall took the SAT but not the ACT. They all earned around a 1450 on the SAT. 

The next person on the pyramid, starting the second row, is Brooke. Brooke has a 4.3 grade point average but only participates in Spanish Club every other week. She does not volunteer in her community, instead, she spends her time studying to ensure her place above the other girls on the pyramid. All their moms aren’t crazy involved in how their kids do. They make sure their kids do their homework and submit their applications on time. Brooke took both the SAT and the ACT. She earned a 1500 and a 34. Second spot on the pyramid is Chloe. Chloe has a 4.5 grade point average, participates in every math and science club offered at her high school, along with playing varsity sports year round. Chloe is the president of student council and runs most activities at her school. She’s in the National Honors Society, so she volunteers an average of ten hours every week.  Chloe took the SAT and ACT and received perfect scores on both. Brooke and Chloe’s moms are more involved than the moms of the girls on the bottom row but aren’t the most involved moms there are. 

On the top of the pyramid is Maddie. Similar to Chloe, Maddie also has a 4.5 grade point average, has a leadership position in HOSA, BPA, and DECA, and is vice-president of the student council at her school. She is also in the National Honors Society and volunteers an average of 9 hours a week. Maddie took the SAT and ACT and earned a perfect score on the ACT, but a 1590 on the SAT. Although Chloe is the president of student council, participates in more clubs, and volunteers more than Maddie, Maddie’s mom does everything she can to make sure Maddie remains at the top of the pyramid. Maddie’s mom volunteers in the admissions office at Harvard and is close friends with many people on the board of admissions. She also met with many of Maddie’s teachers in high school to learn what she could do to get her daughter ahead of the other students and also made sure Maddie sent in her college applications months in advance. 

While Chloe appears to be the obvious choice for the spot at Harvard, Maddie was awarded the spot. Was this because of her mom? Did the office of admissions give her the spot because they know her mom? Did Harvard simply just like Maddie more? All these are questions that the girls, along with their mothers, will never find out.